It’s about a week before Christmas and I have not written anything since around mid-summer.  On a personal level that was not a happy time.  I’ve been thinking and observing.  I’ve been thinking about what’s important…at least to me.  From a safe distance I’ve been observing the questionable choices of people that I thought I knew. 

My wife and I have advised, instructed, and commanded others in our sphere of influence that certain behaviors cannot coexist with a close physical proximity to us.  I don’t think I ever imagined a situation when I would have to tell my child that attendance at most church events is forbidden.  I finally have a teenage child who at least has shown an interest in such as that and I have to direct his steps away from it.

I have not been to a bar or inside a church house since the early spring of this year.  To be fair I haven’t been to a real bar since I was a boy.  I didn’t exactly grow up in circumstances that involved the King James Bible.  That’s not a rabbit trail I wish to explore at this time.  As it concerns my apparent forsaking of local church involvement, I have not forsaken it.  It was taken from me….at least for the time being.

Having written that I’m thinking that seems a bit extreme.  I mean with proper distancing and face coverings I can be reasonably safe and enjoy and serve my church community.  BUT, I have this nagging thought that reminds me that my life is not mine to spend doing the things that please me.  My life doesn’t belong to my employer….my colleagues….my buddy sitting on the barstool next to me…or the local body of believers who share (or thought they shared) my faith. 

My life belongs to God.  As a husband, father, and grandfather my life belongs to….my wife…my children…and my granddaughters.  The hypocrite who sneaks around my heart so wants his oldest son, daughter-in-law, and granddaughter to come to Tennessee (currently solidly in the top five states of new COVID cases) for a holiday visit.  COVID and other matters are going to prevent such a visit and I’m probably a little bit butt hurt* that they’re not coming.  It seems that they’re making similar choices as I am yet I’m offended because their choices will not result in a pleasing outcome for me.  Until such time when a vaccine is widely available or we develop herd immunity I will by divine directive consider participating in large gatherings as suspended (for me).

When a vaccine is available I will get it so that I can safely retake my place in community living.  I’ve heard of and spoken to others who declare that they will not get the vaccine because one may have to prove they’ve been inoculated to participate in societal activities.  That’s okay for them, I guess.  I’ve been proving for years that my children have been properly inoculated for communicable diseases so that they can attend school.  For her employment my wife has to periodically prove that she’s been properly vaccinated against certain diseases.  My wife and I had to prove we were vaccinated against diseases before adopting children.  If the day comes when I have to prove my vaccination record by some sort of physical brand on my body, then I will rethink my position.  But first I’ll have to revisit my conclusions regarding eschatology.  If I blur my mental focus a bit, I can see how for some people those circumstances may nicely fit into an end of days scenario.

Sometimes I write stuff and wonder if it’s worth sharing…if it’s worth saying.  In the process of writing this I came to a point and decided to let it go….or to let it rest.  I decided to let it rest.  I scanned my news feed before coming back here and saw that some of my friends are choosing to gather together in apparent opposition to what the health care community recommends.  The hash tags applied to some of the photographs implies that they’ve chosen not to be socially distant concerning family because they love each other.  It’s ironic that I’ve chosen to be physically distant from my family for the very same reason.  My family and I are as united as I think we can be in protecting each other from ourselves.  I suppose for us physical proximity is not a necessary component to demonstrating love.

More profound than differing opinions regarding social distance are the stories people are beginning to tell of their lives over the past several months.  There is a supernatural agenda being carried out in individual lives that reminds me that—

I just received a text message from work indicating that a co-worker of mine for over twenty years passed away on the job today.

                                                                                   —reminds me that God is good….he is kind….he is in a relentless pursuit of our hearts…he has not lost control…he loves us.  I’m sorry but  I have no words of profundity to explain his methods.  I can say with confidence that God has used these days of global pandemic to draw me closer and deeper into relationship with the people who matter most to me. 

On the backdrop of COVID-19 my son and daughter-in-law lost their newly born son. I can’t imagine such a loss.  Some months later my daughter-in-law tragically lost her younger brother.  A short time after that both of her dogs died.  Am I the only one who cringes with embarrassment at the things that pass through the hands of God?  In a social media post or conversation with my wife my daughter-in-law said that she didn’t understand what happened with her baby.  She said something else that has stuck with me…carried me.   “There is a reason why this happened….I don’t know what it is but there is a good reason.”  That spoke to the heart of me.  It spoke of a submission to a design or agenda that she had no knowledge of that she could eventually accept because there is a “good reason” why.  She has a seekers heart.  Even if I don’t, I hope she finds her “good reason” as we together struggle through the COVID wars.

*Butt hurt:  a family term first used by my oldest son to indicate an unreasonable offense taken by someone because of the actions of another.

But I don’t know, that’s just me talkin’.