To My Friend,

I think it’s ironic that from time to time God invites you to join him in the desert. For me it works the other way around. I live in the desert and I’m urged toward the stream of humanity. You may wish to consider that you are made for the desert and that you have spent too much time away.

I think I know what you mean when you wrote of being “melancholy” and “shut off” from others. I call it the “longing” and the “hunger.” In social situations I often push such things to the far horizon of my consciousness so that I can function in social environments. Here’s my secret: I love being in the desert. I love the longing, the hunger, or the melancholy. It’s here that I’m connected with a communicating God. Most of the people I encounter avoid the desert. I get the feeling that many suppress the “melancholy.” They move around it, steer clear of it. I, on the other hand, can not deny it. The desert offers little comfort. It’s too hot during the day, but I sit on a rock in His shadow. The nights are so cold, but there is warmth in His presence. There is nowhere else I would rather be.

But what moves me from the desert, my secret Eden? It’s His agenda for me among others. His call for me is so simple. I’m Keri’s husband. I’m the father of Ashley, Nick, Nicoleta, Luc, Ana, and Miguel. I’m a friend to you and a few others. I live in the desert with the One who makes my life rich, beautiful, and meaningful. When I walk out of the desert it’s only to be Keri’s husband, a dad to my kids, or a friend to a few. The quality of my performance of these roles (as some define quality) is not important. If I say or do something that promotes God’s agenda in the lives of these people, I probably picked it up in the desert. The truth of the matter is that it is not my primary role to be the instrument of change in the lives of others. From time to time I may be the instrument in God’s hand. But more often than not my wife, my children, and my friends are the instruments God uses to change me. With change there is often pain and I am reminded of the longing, the hunger, and the melancholy and then I make my way back to my secret place in the desert.

Today I picked up Nicoleta from school. She was wounded by the meanness of another child. I hugged her until she released me. I gently held her face in my hands, wiped away her tears with my thumbs, and reminded her of who she is. That’s me being who God called me to be. Today it was a joy to be her dad.

It pleases me that you are going to the desert. I hope you find the shade during the day and that you are warmed by His presence at night. I’m a firm believer that God meets men where they are. But I also believe that for some of us He invites us to join Him where He is. Embrace the melancholy. God is in it and he embraces back.

Once upon a time you recommended a book. Here’s a quote: “It was when I was happiest that I longed most. The sweetest thing in all my life has been the longing to find the place where all the beauty came from.”
-Till We Have Faces- CS Lewis

Your friend,
Caleb (Mystic and Desert Dweller)