My Friend,

Is it possible for one to be a mini-church pastor or a named leader of a ministry of our church and yet not attend the worship service on Sunday morning with the rest of us? What is happening in the heart of one who carries out their role in a church sponsored ministry then leaves our campus to attend a worship service elsewhere among relative strangers? Answers are not as important as one may think.

I was in my car on the church parking lot waiting for my family after church on this past Sunday. A man we know asked if he and I could talk later about an issue that concerned him. I asked him what the issue was. His eyes left mine and looked at the kids who were beginning to fill my back seat. I gathered that he didn’t want to give me any more details while my kids were present. We exchanged phone numbers and agreed to talk later. When we spoke today he said another man we know asked him questions similar to the ones I asked in the previous paragraph of this note. He asked for my opinion and I shared it with him.

I am a man whose debt to others is so great that if I had many life times I would never be able to repay it. I have lamented the fact that I walked through some difficult circumstances alone. There have been other difficult days (perhaps more) that others have walked with me. There is a pride in me that resents the debt. There is something evil in me that hates that my weaknesses have been exposed to others. It doesn’t matter to my pride that exposure was my first step in freedom. It doesn’t matter to my pride that my debt has been forgiven. All that matters to my pride is that there’s a debt and “I” can not repay it.

When my son is of legal age he will leave my house. He won’t leave because he is a disruption to my sense of domestic harmony. He’ll leave because I think it will be the only way for him to abandon his mentality of entitlement. I will not sever my relationship with him, but I will sever my financial support of him. I realize that in his young mind our relationship is based on my financial support. Perhaps a day will come when he can stand before me as a free man. I will miss the boy who gave me such joy. I will wait for the man he will become.

I have been taught that the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross was for all people. Why such a great sacrifice when he knew so few would come? Don’t you think our great God could have planned a greater return for what was so costly? I have to remind myself that Jesus did not invest himself for us on the cross. An investor expects a reasonable return on his investment. I think you would agree that Jesus on the cross was his sacrifice for us not his investment in us. An investor is not necessarily gracious, but he does have expectations.

Here I think are more relevant questions to ponder. Do we invest ourselves in our children and others or do we sacrifice ourselves for them? When I harbor disappointment or resentment in someone I have helped was my “help” an investment for a return I could enjoy later or was it a sacrifice? As I “continue in the sufferings of Jesus,” am I called to sacrifice or invest? Is Ashley in Guatemala an investor or one who sacrifices?

I can wrap my mind around the benefits of wise investing. I plug in something of value on one end hoping something of greater or equal value comes out the other end. I have a problem understanding what successful sacrificing looks like. Maybe I don’t get it all. I have a feeling that sacrifice expects no future or immediate return on the sacrifice. I wonder what the point is then? What’s in it for me? Sorry but I have to throw the question out there. Do you think the joy of sacrifice is the knowledge that there is absolutely nothing in it for me? Do you think the joy of sacrifice lies in the act itself and not in the result? I’m thinking that the joy of sacrifice can’t be explained. I’m pretty sure however, it can be discovered.

Your friend and fellow warrior/mystic,
Caleb