Hey Ashley,

There’s some stuff I have to say to you. I’ve not told you before because I don’t want to have with you the kind of relationship that you and your mom have sometimes. The discussions you have with your mom usually degenerate into arguments. Also, I’ve been afraid. You are truly a joy to my heart. Here lately I’ve come to enjoy this new dynamic that our relationship has. I’m afraid that if I tell you this “stuff” I’ll ruin it. Do you know what? I hate fear. Fear is not of God. Most often the thing I’m afraid to do is exactly what God invites me to do. What do you fear? Fear is the mind killer.

The weekend that you left for Mexico a page turned in my heart. It occurred to me that Ashley is fast becoming a grown-up. When i came home from work the day after you left your mom and the kids had moved you out of your room. That hurt me. I was missing you and everyone else was erasing the evidence of you from my house. I wanted to think about you while everyone else wanted to forget you. Who are these people that I live with?! Can’t they see that I’m dying inside? Don’t they understand that I’m not ready for this? Guess what? Ready or not Caleb, she’s gone. Let me tell you what sux Ashley. Having children is a huge commitment. By having kids I promised that I would always be there. I would never leave them. But guess what they do when they turn eighteen? They do exactly what I promised never to do: They leave. Now the life you lived here with me is packed into boxes out in the garage. I get to look at the evidence of your life every day when I come home. You have no idea how much I love you. I wish I had done better getting that message out.

Here’s a story. You may have heard it.

There once was a great flood. The river had swollen and expanded outside of its’ banks. What was once dry land was now under water. There was a man in this flood who got stranded on the roof of his house. He prayed and asked God to rescue him. As he finished praying another man in a rowboat came by and invited him to get in with him. The man on the roof declined to get in the boat because he was waiting for God to rescue him. Soon after the man in the rowboat departed another man came by flying in a helicopter. The man in the helicopter was willing to throw down a ladder to the man. The man declined the offer because he said God was going to rescue him. The waters in the river continued to rise. Soon the man on the roof was swept away by the flood and drowned. When the man was in the presence of God he asked God why He didn’t rescue him. God said, “What more did you want? I sent a boat and a helicopter and you refused both.”

Faith is the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen.

Here’s what I’ve been afraid to tell you that i believe God’s Spirit has prompted me to say. Ashley, you remind me of the man on the roof. God will not behave in the way that you expect Him to. He is wildly unpredictable. If you don’t believe that ask mom how God behaved when He placed adoption on our hearts. As you make decisions about school and Africa don’t refuse the answers God is giving because they are not supernatural enough for you. Yes, God can and does do the extravagant and miraculous. But more often He operates in the ordinary and unappealing things of life. Why is that? Because that is how He created most people: ordinary and unappealing. Do you know how many Chinese people there are? Billions of them. For me they define ordinary and unappealing. So why did I quote the “faith” verse?
I don’t think you “get it.” You seem to be asking God a question that requires a direct answer on His part. Think of it this way for just a minute. “Father, do you want me in Africa, do you want me in college, or do you want me to do both?” Isn’t that the essence of your situation? Ashley, God will not thru signs and wonders tell you what to do. He will not say “Go to Africa.” He will not say “Go to Moody.” He will not say “Go to Africa then after go to school.” If he did why would you need faith “the evidence of things not seen?” God operated that way in the Old Testament before His Spirit lived in His children. You want God to give you a clear indication of what you should do without trusting the Holy Spirit who already resides in your heart. I don’t get that. Ashley, trust the God who lives in you! Trust your sanctified decision making ability. I think perhaps that I already hear your argument (with Ashley you always get one). Are you thinking, “I do have faith. I have faith that God will answer my question in an undeniable way.” What you have dear one is not faith but expectations. How nice, you’ve even given God three acceptable responses to your question about the future. I wonder if God likes the corner you’ve painted Him into? I think God may be scratching His head saying, “Going to a good college is okay, do that if you want Ashley. On the other hand, going to Africa is good too, do that if you’d like. Going both to Africa and school is fine also. Trust the regenerated heart and mind I have placed within you. Make a decision with the resources I have already provided. You don’t need a sign from me. You need to trust me. I live in you. You can trust Me. Please don’t dictate to Me how I must answer. I will not bend to your will. I ask you to bend to mine.”

Ashley, your mom and I love God. We trust Him with you. You can trust us as a resource of wisdom from God. We have insight that you do not have simply because you have not lived long enough. Let me tell you what our wishes are in regard to the immediate future. It is most important to us that you receive an education at a good Bible school. Africa and other missions endeavors are at this point secondary considerations. Please don’t tell me again, for it offends me, that God can teach you things on the mission field that He can’t teach you anywhere else. I refuse to accept your limited view of what God can or can’t do. Have you ever stopped to consider that there may be things you can learn in school that you can’t learn on the mission field? Hermeneutics being at the top my list presently. In other words, there is knowledge that you ought to have in advance to going on the mission field. God has provided college to meet that need.

One more thing then I have to go. The spiritual experiences of others do not of themselves dictate God’s truth. That does not discount or deny the experience of others. All that I’m saying is that there is only one true thing, everything else is tainted: God’s word. If someones experience can’t be validated scripturally, it is at best untrustworthy and at worst a lie. Trust the God of the Bible, not the God of Boaz and Ruth. I’m certain that they are committed followers of Christ but they are people none the less.

You told me in a previous email that Boaz got on you about not doing your chores. Tell him from me: “Welcome to my world.” The fact is Ashley you are not a self-starter. You take your ques from others. Especially when it comes to doing the same little tasks day after day. That is something you have to work on. I wouldn’t wait for a sign from God about whether or not you should do your chores. If you see something that needs doing just do it. Look for ways to serve Boaz and Ruth. Don’t wait for them to tell you to do stuff. I’m sure that is uncomfortable for them. Ask the Spirit in you to keep your mind alert for ways to serve others like Rose, Boaz, and Ruth. Remember doing your chores is part of the ordinary and appealing ways God works. Don’t deny yourself the joy that only comes from serving others.

I pray that when you see this email that God will prepare you and preserve the relationship that i have with you. I love you sweetie.

D

PS What’s a Rose without thorns? A fake flower.