Sometimes I just sit here watching the cursor blink. My heart is here but my words come slowly and painfully. Recently I was writing something and Bella asked me what I was writing and I told her I was writing a story. She then asked if she could hear the story when it was done. I said yes. Hours later when the story was done I called her over and read it to her.

“What?! That’s it? It was so short. You sat there so long I thought there would be chapters!” Her tone suggested that she felt cheated, which suggests to me that she actually looked forward to hearing the story even though she was a bit let down by its brevity. A lot of times things that I start to write in the morning end…some day.

There are things that are hard to attend to because they make my head hurt and my heart ache. I try not to pay attention to those things but sometimes I am compelled to attend to them. Much of my life before God can be characterized by invitational obedience. God invites and I obey…sometimes. I’ve heard of people who view God’s invitations as demands and commands that must be obeyed…or else. They may be right, I don’t know. But it never really feels that way to me. As it concerns the Bible, God does demand…he does command people…he defines what’s black and what’s white. It is my opinion that when God engages his people individually it looks and feels something like this:

“You should try doing that…let’s see what happens.”

“You should try saying that…out loud…let’s see what happens.”

“I wouldn’t say anything…yet.”

“You should tell that story…write it down…let’s see what happens.”

“Don’t even think about it!”

“Pray for what’s impossible to imagine…see what happens.”

The “see what happens” has always been the hook for me. When I had teenagers from the moment they could drive, they were OUT. They wanted to be OUT. They stayed OUT. Some of those times they were up to no good but most of the time they simply didn’t want to miss OUT in case something fun or dramatic happened. They wanted to be there when it did. I’m like that. I want to see what happens…what God does. I want to be there when it happens.

To be clear God has never suggested to me to do something that was previously forbidden in the Bible. I’ve heard of people who truly believe that they can countermand what the Bible says because of the way they feel. It’s said by some that the age of the Biblical document nullifies its authority. It was written for a specific group at a specific time and has little to no relevance today. As though to say, “If it fits my life it’s true, if it doesn’t it isn’t. I’ll do what’s right in my own eyes. I’ll exchange what God said was true in the past for what feels true now…if it makes me feel better.”

For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Heb. 4:12 NIV

All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. 2Tim. 3:16-17.

The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God endures forever. Isa. 40:8

Forever, O Lord, Thy word is settled in Heaven. Ps. 119:89

I usually don’t cite from the Bible because I have found that people much of the time think they already know what it says…don’t care…or find it irrelevant. If I’m compelled to verbally quote chapter and verse to justify my opinion, the listener typically just hears the noise of my voice…my antiquated opinionated unsophisticated backward view of the world. I think next time when someone asks me to defend my opinions from the Bible, I’ll just tell them to “Google it”…find out for yourself. The truth of the matter is that in my mouth God’s revelation is just breath and noise. The powerful double-edged sword…the judging sword…is not mine to wield, but in the hands of the spirit of God it is alive…settled…eternally relevant. It lays bare…cuts through the lies…the mess…and exposes the heart. Ask for the answers. Look for what’s true. Knock on that door…see what happens…see who answers the door…and let me know what happens.

To my children…to the seekers: Let me suggest not asking me what I have found to be true…or question and cross examine what I believe. But by yourself…alone before God ask for what you want…what you need. Look for it. Have the courage of heart to knock on that door. Don’t ask me what I have found hoping to maybe circumvent the process of asking…of seeking…of knocking. My best life and my best living happened while I was asking…while I desperately sought…while I stood alone at that door and knocked.

“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks the door will be opened.” Luke 11:9-13

What lies within the door that was closed and is now opened? Tell me that story! In the meantime I have to attend to some things that make my head and heart ache.

But what do I know I’m just thinking out loud…again.