One of the benefits of living in time is that tomorrow I can try again.

Some things I have learned: Only God is wise. Sometimes people will communicate to me that something I have written was so true….so insightful…..so wise. On the other hand others have indicated with varying degrees of tact that perhaps I am in need of professional psychological help. To be clear….I am not wise (or mentally disturbed). Only God is wise. People sometimes confuse the communicator of truth, insight, or wisdom as the smart one. So if one has read anything from me that they believe to be true or wise, be advised that I am only repeating what I have learned from another. I have found, generally speaking, that people are afraid…..embarrassed…reluctant to speak of what is happening below the surface…..in their hearts….that part of us that lives transparently before God. I am not afraid of that.

I think I may have spent too much time lamenting difficult circumstances. Here is something I have learned about suffering and difficult circumstances. God always knew it was going to happen….HE PLANNED IT to be this way. He has not used me as a tool to implement change in the lives of others who make my day to day life hard. I really want that. At some point I began to recognize that the only one changing was me. I want that more. There are people in my life that make me sad because of their inability to choose. That sadness does not compare with the joy…peace…contentment that washes over me as I realize that God is mindful of ME! The people I wish would change are the same people he uses to change me. Redemption made me his son. Now he is changing me into someone else….someone who looks like the man who sits on his right. How can that be?

I once wrote something here entitled “The Stuff I do.” Preachers and professional theologians call it sin. I just say “the stuff I do to get by.” I asked a few people today would it be better if God just removed the urge to do the stuff I do or is it better to keep the urge and master it? I like the idea of being free of the stuff I do to get by apart from God. Being the master of what I choose….I think I want that more.

To my fellow warriors and mystics…..you can find me in the desert talking to myself!