As I walk this hostile way, I keep thinking to myself that if I can hold out a bit longer….don’t quit…keep moving…then the terrain will level out…the weather will get drier and warmer. How is it that I always seem to be walking uphill against the bitter wind? Why is there not a clearly defined path through these wilds? I spoke to God and I told him that if he would only provide me with a map then I would follow it. At some point I realized that there is no trail…there is no map…there are only choices. That’s not to say that there wasn’t once a path, a well-traveled way full of like-minded people and happy company. Did I abandon the trail because I was deceived? Because the way is treacherous now, does that mean I chose poorly before? Maybe…I don’t know…but I don’t think so.

Oh, wait! I remember now. There was a voice…there was a whisper that spoke to the heart of me from just beyond the tree line. I followed that voice of adventure…of magic and romance…the whispering voice of wildness and unpredictability. That’s not to say that I followed without a misstep or falter. I fell into many a ditch. There are and were many times from on the ground I looked into the sky and lamented the loss of the well-traveled way of an easier life…but the whisperer invites me onward…deeper still.

Jesus said once that “God blesses those who don’t fall away because of me.” I guess that means that I should hang in there when the circumstances of this life aren’t turning out the way I would like. I’m the first to admit that my understanding of what a blessing is may be miles off the mark of truth. I have found however that real “blessings” and pain travel together.

I wonder if my children look into my life and have decided (at least for now) that following a whispering God is too costly….too painful. Why invite such into my life? Leaving the path of ease and the familiar was free and easy…but remaining beyond the tree line has broken me….changed me…taken everything.

None of this is to say that chasing after God is a miserable experience in which I look forward to some future other-worldly pay off. To be clear…I AM LIVING MY BEST LIFE NOW. I have knelt at the foot of the cross with my daughter when she accepted God’s gift. I have stood in the water of baptism with my son when he publicly acknowledged God’s ownership of himself. I have stood before my son and his bride on their wedding day and pronounced them husband and wife. I stood behind the curtain and heard the first cry of my granddaughter. When her body was broken I was there when my daughter learned to walk again. I have heard genuine gratitude from the heart of my daughter.

To my children: I am off the trail of what this world says is normal. My wandering may appear aimless but I am not lost. I am well. To each one without exception or qualification I say “You are a blessing of God to me……your future redemption or your return home will be a further boon to my soul. Until then you can find me just beyond the tree line.“

To my wife: My heart’s great love. My imagination cannot conceive a life without you. Thanks for coming with me.