I can choose to feel better right now or I can choose to be well. Feeling better right now is easy and within my reach. Feeling better is a mouse click away, a 12 oz. can of malty refreshment, a mindless Netflix offering, the respite of a nap…the options are endless but temporary. Wellness takes time but is lasting. Immediate wellness, I have found, is an illusion. If I choose wellness then I have to be willing to feel bad as the process of becoming well takes place. Are there any old school theologians who recognize the “mortification of the flesh” when they see it?

My mind says choose wellness. My battered heart says wellness is remote, choose to feel better right now…or maybe it’s the other way around. Maybe it’s my mind that chooses immediate relief and it’s my heart that desires wellness. I don’t know. Sometimes I choose wisely and sometimes I choose poorly. I want to believe that feeling bad now is what the path to wellness looks like. I can’t truly claim the belief until I stop choosing the temporary relief of the immediate. There are old hymns that float around my mind……like dust that catches a fleeting ray of sunlight.

When peace like a river attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll,
Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

Does the old hymn say that wellness is a lesson taught by God? If the hymn is true and I make no claim that it is then I realize that my aching heart has nothing to do with the wellness of my soul. Logically my next question is then why do I sometimes choose to feel better now when it is already well with my soul? I should realize perhaps that wellness does not mean painless.

What is the pain? Pain is being well and have unfulfilled desire for the wellness of others. I can’t choose wellness for others. I have a difficult time as it is choosing it for myself. But what do I know? I’m just thinking out loud.