The most frequent question I ask myself is why I do the things I do. What truly motivates me to act….or to act out? Over years of time I have settled for a variety of answers. Wise people have given me valuable insight as to the things that motivate people to action. I’ve never really gotten an answer that seemed complete. In recent years I’ve settled into an answer. I do the things I do, whether they are good or bad for the simple purpose of getting my “needs” met. The things I do apart from God….in my own strength….with my own intellect…with my own management skills to meet my needs is really just sin. So I do the things I do to satisfy some urge or hunger in my heart. I guess it’s fair to say that if God seems otherwise engaged and isn’t meeting what I perceive my needs to be then I take matters into my own hands. I spend a lot of time wading through the consequences of trusting my own judgement.
Recently I have begun to question my “go to” answer for why I do the things I do. It almost fits….but doesn’t quite. Like most people I have been spending a lot of time at home…. socially distancing myself. I realize many people have suffered all sorts of financial loss during this time but I haven’t. I’ve not missed work because my job is “essential”….which is truly laughable if one considers what my job is. I have heard of people who are sick or have lost loved ones to COVID-19 but I haven’t or know anyone personally who has. I must confess that I have enjoyed social distancing because it keeps me at home. I don’t enjoy crowds whether they be at a mall…..a restaurant….a sporting event….or even a church. I like being home with those who God has given me. I would rather eat food at my own table even if I have to prepare it. I enjoy traveling and respites away but I always miss home. When I’m at work I hustle…I want to go home. When I meet people through the course of a day and I’m asked how I’m doing my answer is usually the same…I’m just trying to make it home.
I think the real answer as to why I do the things I do is to meet a need….my need….my desire…..to be home. I think my life on planet Earth only illustrates what is happening in my heart before God. He isn’t just changing me into the image of his son…..he is also leading me home. I freely admit that I’m not a very good follower but my desire for home always leads me back to his hand. I love being my wife’s husband. I love being the father to my children….and grandfather to their children. Clearly I have a lot of work to do here…now…at home. I’ve heard it said that the journey is more important than the destination. I’m not so sure. For me the journey is preparing me for the destination…..home.
*For Mason Thomas Williams…..son of my son….who’s already home….I’m coming….but not yet.
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December 06, 2020 at 06:44PM
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But I don’t know, that’s just me talkin’.
