It should be an international law that the adoption process should not take more than forty-two weeks. I mean it just makes sense. How does one explain to an eleven year old girl that the delay has nothing to do with her or our commitment to bring her home? I wish I could talk to her. I wish I could hold her. Don’t worry we won’t give up. We never give up. Your mom asked why we do this, why we put ourselves through this. I told her it was because we have something extra. We both know that we wouldn’t change a thing no matter how hard it gets. I understand that this is God telling us his story of our love for Ana. I’m not sure if you’ve been on the road long enough to understand. Keep on living baby girl, one day you will.

I came downstairs because I heard your mom talking on the phone to someone at the “office.” Her expression and tone told me everything I needed to know. She tried to hold it together but for the most part failed. When she hung up the phone the tears came more easily and I held her for those moments. I felt myself choking up and for just a minute we cried together. Your mom cried for Ana, but I cried for your mom.

When you left home I remember thinking that eventually everything would come full-circle. My kids will grow up and everything will be just as it began, just your mom and me. What does God have for us in that future I wonder? Will the adventure be just as grand?

I would really like to hear from you. What are your impressions of your brother? What kind of man is he becoming? He hides his heart so effectively from me. What does he fear? I wonder why it is that the people my children really are I hear about from others. I hope you two have a great friendship. Thanks for allowing him to stay a while longer. Do you think he likes it there or just dislikes it here? Since the both of you decided to get tattoos, I’m glad you did it together. I can’t believe I just said that.

I love you too much,

D