Hey You,

No one ever calls me at 3:00 in the morning. I am so sorry that you were sick, but it did my heart good to hear your voice. I have never really gotten used to waking up so early in the morning. As you grow older you’ll find that you do more and more because you have to not because you want to. My job is like that. Many people find their identity in what they do for a living. I’m not one of those people. My identity is wrapped up in seeking out a person, but when I find him he so often leaves me again to test me. I realize that he doesn’t really go anywhere. Where can I go that he is not? It just seems sometimes that my sense of his presence is withdrawn. Often times late at night as I drive to work it’s as though he’s there with me. He doesn’t have to speak. He and I are past that. Do you have a friend that you like to be with? I’m talking about someone with whom words are not necessary. Their company is easy and comfortable. Just being with them is enough. It’s in those times that I realize that I’m already home. Have you any idea what I mean?

When you called me the other night it was as though you too were invited to join my alone time with Jesus. We enjoy you so much. You are such a joy to us. You never disappoint us. Your existence is enough. You don’t have to perform for our approval. I’m glad you showed up.

When you lived here with me I failed to appreciate you for just your presence .I think maybe I always wanted you to do stuff for me. I remember only being pleased with you when you were obeying me. I guess I learned that my love for you has nothing to do with what you did to try and please me. I miss you. I understand now that just being near you is enough. It’s a lot like that with Jesus. Sometimes I miss him. It’s as though he’s moved to Chicago and I can’t see him as often as I would like. Is my love for him based on what he does for me? Am I satisfied with just the intimacy of his closeness or do I demand that he perform for me as well? Often times I want him to do stuff for me, speak to me, reveal himself to me, etc.. How much of what I ask of him is really based in what my flesh desires? No wonder so many prayers go unanswered. When the sense of his presence is gone, my heart understands that all I really want is to know him more. I’m learning. I’m not there yet. But I understand more and more that he is all that I really want. Sometimes I miss him. I’m looking toward the day when the missing is over.

My computer time is up.

Love,

D